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I need some new material. My audiance is often diverse in gender and chronology. Hence, I am looking for jokes that are clean cut and not offensive.
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A man and an ostrich went into a bar. The man ordered a beer and the ostrich said, "I'll have one too." The bartender said, "That'll be $2.50." The man put his hand in his pocket, came out with exact amount. The next day they came in again, the man ordered beer, the ostrich said, "Me too." The bartender said ,"That'll be $2.50." The man put his hand in his pocket and came out with exact amount and walked out. The next day they're in yet again. The man said I'll have a scotch. The ostrich said, "Me too." The bartender said, "That'll be $8.50." The man put his hand in his pocket, and out came the exact amount. The bartender asked, "How do you do that? Every time it's the exact amount." The man said, "I found a bottle on the beach and a genie came out and said I could have what a wanted, so I told him I wished for all I could drink and have the right amount to pay for it." The bartender said, "Yeah, but what about the ostrich ?" "Oh," replied the man, "I also asked for a chick with long legs."
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Teacher: I saw you punch your classmate.
Student: He punched me first.
Teacher: Two wrongs don't make a right.
Student: Yes, but three lefts do.
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Nice punchline! 
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A friend sent me twenty puns. I selected the ten that I thought were the best and forwarded them to my brother to see how many would make him laugh. I am sad to report no pun in ten did.
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Because it was deliberate.
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